Dear Heart,

Calestrina is now independent. Although he is not here, all goes according to his wish. He did not take Montevalno as his rightful inheritance. He remains absent from home and my heart. If I take Montevalno into my hands and present it to him, would he return?

Lying to yourself can be very difficult. It is unfortunate.

I am quite tempted to take the art of the arms. It has been so long. My greatest work shall take many, many, many buckets of blood to complete.

Dear Diary,

Quina said she will make me a brew for it. I am sure it will taste foul. She seems quite cocnerned over the Camarilla Seducing Handsome Boys And Girls From Amber Trip which I sponsored. I wanted to explain, but there is not much point. People like her would never change their minds once they are committed. I am a princess, I don't have to explain to anyone any way. What consequence can she lever?

I have found the one I searched for. It was so easy. He was right, I should not be subborn over little things. They will die and turn into dusts in the mud. I should not worry overly over the question of when. All I should concern myself with is the contract.

I will go chase it so it gets finished.

Dear Diary,

So bored lately. So someone suggested that we should have parties. What a great idea! But it is boring staring at the same set of faces. So I grabbed a lot of friends and we went to Amber together.

None of them are marriage material. I'm still not crowned. Maybe better luck at the parties!

Wish me luck.

S

...there is no turning back now.

The brilliant blueness flares brightly in my mind's eyes. Around me, the burnt waste of the Arden forest is silent. Watchful. Nothing can protect me here. Nothing but my memory of him. I can never forget the last time I saw him. He stood at this very spot I tread upon and asked me to follow him. I could not.

Another step.

It hurts more than I can say. Every cell within me rebels against this insidious black presence. I can hear his voice so clearly it is as if he uttered those words only yesterday. Love started me on this path. Hate shall see me to its completion.

One more step.

There is no more air left in my lunge. No more strength. For one moment, I can feel the light faltering within me. It is so easy to give in. To give up. Then I remembered her. I remembered them. Every line of the Pattern sharpens into painful focus within my mind.

Just one last step...

Tunic Acquired That Is Not Mine : 1
Belt Acquired That Is Not Mine : 1
Shirt Acquired That Is Not Mine : 1
Kidnap Coordinated: 1
No. of Times to be Rescued By a Real Prince : 1
Political Marriage Proposal : 1.5
Watch Fixed : 1
New Perspective Acquired : 2.3
Evil Plans Hatched : 1.5

Conclusion : I look very good in men's tunic and shirt when they are used as a dress.

The bite can be more painful when one's teeth are not sharp.

On an irrelevant matter, I love his green eyes.

....

The clock is ticking.

Every movement of its hand brings me closer towards that goal, and with it all that has been promised.

His death has passed me. In place of the sorrow is something else entirely. It is said that the hearts of women and artists are always free. I am both, after all.

I have found the owner of those green eyes in the salone. In my dreams, I saw those beautiful, cold, dark green eyes. He reminds me of someone.

...

A moment in the Montevalno org:

<mnv> Sarafina says, "Malachi's unhealthy fixation on crossbow would worry anyone"
<mnv> Mozart says, "His sister is obsessed with storm cannons."
<mnv> Malachi says, "Any assassin who can't get into a crowded party with a crossbow in hand deserves to be decapitated."
<mnv> Petrus says, "Damn straight, Mal."
<mnv> Adrianna really must agree.
<mnv> Malachi says, "On the other hand, you got a free knife out of it."

....
When time has hazed all the details, I will always remember his eyes. His cold, wary, beautiful green eyes.

Had I imagined that I would recall him after near a century, perhaps I would not have let him go so easily. I returned to where we first met in Rosa’s some decades ago, he was not there.

I painted him. But I never looked for him through it. It was an encounter with a stranger that will remain in my memory. Forever unsullied.

....

It was difficult to find what she was looking for in the heaps of corpses.

By the time she did find her, her dress was soaked in blood and gore and other things she did not care for. But it was worth it. Sarafina brushed a curl of dark hair from the Phoenix's domed forehead and hugged the cold body to her chest.  Rain fell from the sky. She did not know if the tears were for the dead woman she barely knew, or for herself.

The battlefield was emptied of the uncaring and those who did not know how to care. But she could stay and mourn for those who were forgotten. It was the least she could do. Maybe, just maybe, the blood and tears could wash away all her guilt and pain.

And she would stop caring, too.

...

Littlest things remind me of him. I was so happy. The world was sweetness and light.

Those dreams I had when we first started are gone. Washed away by blood and gore and scars on the inside. It can't twist my bitterness against me any more. The hatred is gone. For the longest time, I didn't realize how much it filled the emptiness created by his absence. I'm filling it with blood. Buckets and buckets of blood.

I hope it will be full soon. I'm very tired.

...

This is the most familiar feeling. He calls me love, but he would be happy to kill me, I think. It almost feels like home. Almost. Does he really think I'd die if I can't marry him?
Trump calls : 2

Knightly oath offered : 1

Knightly oath rescinded : 1

Marriage proposal made : 1

Marriage proposal considered : 1

Marriage contract needed : 1

Unhappy Principessa : 1

Love for weirs : -~ (negative infinity)

Galen smiles thinly. "I believe he found your last acquaintance to be nearly fatally exciting, your highness. It may be some time before he has recovered enough of the sands of the hourglass of his life to withstand a marriage." He studies her in the play of light and shadow of the candle, himself as composed a subject as any model who ever lay across a drawing-table.

Nameless.

Not a mistress. Not a paramour. Not a lover. Not a wife.

What sort of woman am I? What sort of man is he?

He found me again. As ever, nothing happened. Nothing is touched but my heart.

I hate him for it.

Must have camp accessory: 1 -  Galen cooks. He tidies. He can do no wrong with chocolate. Chocolates are poisonous to puppies, hopefully they would have the same effect on weirs, too.

Leaky dragon met : 1 - I will never feel dry again.

Mission accomplished : 1/2 - The Chantris/Mandrake got a little too excited and forgot why we go there. Typical of Amberites. What you get for unpaid help.

Too nice and helpful knight : 1 - Leto wants to play match making? Gawain is fine, if a little too nice. Looks like the type who will gravitate towards nicer girls. I am likely too much trouble and complicated for him. Boys prefer simple girls.

Employment opportunity : 1/2 - Benedict is not paying the market rate. New patron is needed. Can't believe an artist of my caliber is not being properly appreciated in Amber. But then, this is no Montevalno. Can't expect everyone to have refined taste.

Love : 0 - Can't face it. At all. The one I love is dead. The one I want to love might as well be dead to me. He did not call back. Just as well. Work can do with a new boost of energy.

...

"Find me or I'll find you."

 I am falling over a cliff with no one to catch me. There is no fear, though I know there is no one left to catch me beneath.

A promise or a threat? It's a circumstance of my own making.

However honorable, noble, pleasant, fair and wonderful someone seemed at first, when they would rather fight a duel to the death than tell you who your cousin died for, they do not inspire confidence.

Noble gestures and offers may seem convincing to his friends, but the truth is bitter. What is he hiding which he would rather take to his grave? Protect the victim? He knew very well that I do not need her identity to curse her and all that he loves for eternity.

Do I forgive him? Perhaps. Do I believe him? No.

If they had fought as men fought, why would Prospero's body be beyond retrieval? Without it, investigation cannot go on. Not when the only witness is so conveniently his companion dear.

How would any of them feel if I were to kill their beloved and claim they were driven insane by the Black Road and the body was missing? In fact, if any of them are actually worth my time and effort, I might just go find it out myself.

Two words say it all:

Manipulative bastard.

...

I can build a castle in the sky, yet I cannot return him to life.

I loved Emrys Moonsong, though he chills my heart. The only one who could warm me now lies dead. Shall I complain the unfairness of the fate? Love is a curse, so beautiful in its final moment of destruction. It is my tragedy to relive that beauty over and over.

...

I continue my study. Pattern is the only way to extract the element of Black Road. Without Prospero, I am no longer besieged by time. There is no need any more.

Who knows the taste of those tears?

After news of Prospero's death, Sarafina is visited by people who give very different advices...



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